My parents are yelling at me for being sad ‘cause two of the most important people in my life tried to kill themselves. Another one is surely going to try again, other one had liver and brain damage and lost most of her emotional connections to people and some of her memories.
”Anybody would be pissed of if they had to see someone frowning and crying at their house all the fucking week”
AND HE FUCKING KNOWS WHAT’S HAPPENED.
Also, that I’m depressed and most of the time I can just manage to hide it.
Gosh, I hate living here.
I feel things in a big way. When I’m sad, it qualifies as depression. When I’m happy I dance and I sing and I smile at strangers without realizing. I fall for people easily; it doesn’t take much to get me head over heals for someone. My feelings are huge, always. I’ve been wondering about how it is even possible. My dreams are big and I feel huge empathy for people I don’t even know. Making someone, anyone smile makes my day. But my feelings are like a roller coaster, I go up fast and I go up high, and then I fall down hard at the speed of light. Many times a day. And it’s just now that I’m realizing I’m actually totally okay with it. It’ll make my heart break uncountable times, but it’ll also make it easier for me to love and to be loved in return. It’ll make me sad, so incredibly, body-aching sad, but it also makes me smile uncontrollably when I see a kid blowing bubbles or when there’s a funny shaped cloud on the sky or when It’s raining at night and all the city lights look even prettier than normally. It makes me do impulsive decisions with unpredictable results. It’s far from safe but hey, I’ve always loved adventure.
just.. shut the fuck up. Okay? That is just shit.
I’ve cheated once and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Not because I would’ve lost somebody because of it, not because I got caught, not because any of these stupid-as-fuck reasons. But because I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. Because I made it harder for someone to trust people again, I made it harder for that someone to trust herself. And I hated myself for it. I have done lots of really stupid things in my life, but that’s the one I regret the most. I regret it more than anything I’ve done.
I would never cheat again.
so please, shut the fuck up and don’t pretend you know something when you don’t.
… why the fuck do I always do this.
I always believe them when they tell me I’m special.
I fall for their smile.
I start missing them five minutes after I last saw their face.
I love the way they laugh.
I always get attached.
And I get hurt, hurt as hell.
And I think it just happened again.
I just wanna break down and cry but I can’t ‘cause I’m not alone here.